I don't really want to write about Neil's life and death. But it wouldn't feel right to write about anything else till I had. Neil was so much more than what I remember and can write, but a little is better than nothing at all.
Earliest Memories
I was born before Neil by 1.5 years, so my earliest memories come later in my life and his life. Neil's nickname was "Naughty Neiltjie". (In Afrikaans, words ending with "tjie" mean "little", "small", or "cute" and are often used as a term of endearment.)
One year, I received a beautiful red RC car for Christmas. I loved this car! It was my pride and joy for years! Well, not years, a few days...
The whole house was filling up with smoke... We were all ushered out into the big backyard quickly by my mum as we were afraid the house might've been burning down.
The firemen came and chased down the source of the incredible amount of smoke to the microwave. Turns out something had been put in it that started the smoke... Neil had run an experiment on my little red car.
"His own thing"
From little, Neil didn't feel the need to fall into the social scene and play with others. I was my older sister's coach, assistant, horse... Anything she needed as we played game after game. Neil sometimes joined in, often being assigned the role of villain by us. More often than not, though, Neil would be happy to do his own thing.
LEGO
As kids, LEGO was our favourite pastime (other than video games when we could get away with it). We would build worlds of spaceships, cities with politics, banks and economies, and countries with militaries.
I often would set the rules of our worlds. Somehow always having the strongest spaceships and military, or the biggest treasure. However, I was a benevolent dictator and wouldn't abuse my power beyond being the top of the food chain.
I was a geopolitical master and would constantly convince my youngest brother, Isak, to go to war with Neil or my younger sister, Jerusha. I always made sure Neil had the second most power in the game, as if I gave him anything else, he would start questioning the rules of our shared universe I had created.
Neil was a shrewd businessman. He was incredible at amassing real estate in LEGO. At the beginning of a new LEGO world, we all started with very equal amounts of base plate space. Through clever negotiating and favours, Neil would always end up with the most.
Neil was a master builder. He would perfect the smallest details of his builds, creating designs I was incredibly envious of.
Basketball
Neil and I loved basketball. He was always the better player. I was arguably the better referee, but likely because Neil wasn't as much of a rules nerd as I was. He was a formidable player armed with long, lanky limbs that could adjust his dribble and steal the ball if you blinked. His coach appropriately nicknamed him "sticks".
Neil and I would spend hours playing 1v1 in the backyard. Neil shot a higher percentage than I did, the score only staying even because I was taller.
We even would often showcase our own little behind-the-back layup move that we thought was very cool.
3D Printing
3D printing was the rage when we were growing up. Neil and I would dream together of buying one for all the cool things we would make.
One day, Neil found a 3D printer that was outside of his massive savings, but within the reach of our treasures combined. That day, we bought a little Up 3D printer for a whopping $600.
I used the 3D printer for a month or two, but Neil never stopped using it.
A Godly man
After I moved to Brisbane, I came back to Perth for the holidays. When visiting, I was struck by how often I would see Neil reading his Bible.
His 21st birthday (his last) was a beautiful day where Neil got his friends together to help those struggling in his community... A lady on her own, a family whose son committed suicide, and another family in need. It is a memory I doubt I'll ever forget.
Last Memories
In October 2024, I visited Perth for my friend John's wedding. I thank God for this opportunity. Sadly, I didn't stay with my family due to struggles around me dating Anna.
I was blessed to be able to see Neil at King's Park for a little meet-up.
My last interaction with Neil was over the phone, where he shared how his faith was in his justification and not his sanctification.
My last feelings and thoughts about Neil before his passing were that I was proud of the amazing man God had made him and that I was glad to know he was putting his faith in God.
Neil's going home
On Sunday, November 24th, whilst I was on the Gold Coast Schoolies mission with Power to Change, I was sadly informed that Neil ended his own life.
I didn't expect it at all. If anything, I was convinced that Neil would go on to live an incredibly full life of huge achievements, faith, and leave a legacy that would live on past him. Even now, as I write this, I struggle to comprehend that this is something that will never be. He won't get married, he won't have grandkids, he won't start that business I was sure he would.
I am still very unsure why Neil ended his life, and I find all the different theories very unhelpful. My understanding is that it was possibly a combination of setbacks, health, and a dysfunctional family.
My regrets
I regret not being more curious as to how he was really going. I saw a man headed for great things, and didn't think he needed any help where he was going.
I regret not saying that I was sure Neil was in heaven at his funeral. I was asked not to by my parents as they believed it would make suicide more of an option for Christians. I wholeheartedly reject this now, though, if someone is considering suicide, telling them their action could lead to hell isn't going to stop them. They have enough distress as it is. We are justified by our faith, not by our works. Neil was a child of God, and nothing can separate him from the love of God. I really appreciated that Neil's best friend, Timothy, said what I wanted to say in this area.
I'm not sure what to do with this one, but I regret not standing up to my parents earlier in life, and I still haven't fully. I didn't want to be a symbol and source of rebellion for my other siblings, so I avoided encouraging them to advocate for themselves. I don't know if this would've been different if I had.
What I don't want to forget
I don't want to forget Neil's creativity, determination, kindness, and curiosity. Neil will forever be a source of conviction to care deeper about everyone. I want to ensure I live life to the full as a way of not letting Neil's journey end where it did.